Let’s Start By Letting Go of Self-Judgement
We all have had our horrors in front of a full-length mirror. Judging ourselves so harshly as we prepare for a big event, summer swim season or even just starting our day. Can you relate? That mirror may as well be a magnifying glass, and God help us all under fluorescent lighting.
We are a society plagued by negative self talk, and that’s especially true for women. It’s not only the media (Instagram, we love you and we hate you!), but it’s an all out attack that comes from our closest social circle and community.
I grew up ashamed of my body because I was teased “playfully” by people around me. This had me dieting and counting calories by the fourth grade, which I learned from my mom’s Redbook magazines. Even my dermatologist had the audacity to point out unrelated to any medical concern that I have little pockets of fatty bumps in my heels (that’s “piezogenic papules,” btw!). Great, even my heels have cellulite!
No matter your size, shape, or fitness level, there’s a constant questioning and judgement that goes on in our heads. We can blame societal pressures, but we are our own harshest critics when comparing ourselves to others or media ideals. And guess what, that ideal body your comparing yourself to probably has it’s own inner-self critic!
There was a time in my life when I reached my thinnest and I still had the full-length mirror battles with my inner-self critic. I hid under baggy clothes and just accepted that I would never have the body or the confidence to wear certain outfits, such as shorts or yoga pants. It didn’t matter how thin I got (and hungry!), or how toned or in shape, I saw “orange peel” skin or bra-elastic induced “back fat” and whatever labels marketers coined up.
It’s Not About a Perfect Body, It’s About a Healthy Mindset
Radical self acceptance means you take a radical approach inward to express gratitude for your body, without judgement and negative self talk. Radical for me meant parading that “orange peel” skin and “back fat” in front of live audiences in skimpy costumes on stage. How’s that for vulnerability? I became a circus, pole dance and burlesque performer.
This journey began about 12 years ago when I stepped into my first pole dancing class. I had no experience with dance. I joined a six-week series designed to build confidence and teach women to look and feel sexy in their own skin within a safe and accepting environment. So safe, there were dark rooms with black lights and each gym member coined her own dance name for anonymity. It was at Studio Rio Twisted Fitness in Virginia Beach, Virginia, where I became “BombChel.”
I was told by the gym when I called to join the series that it was best to wear a“booty” shorts to class. Booty shorts? Ha, I had avoided wearing any type of shorts for the entirety of my 20’s. Why would the instructor think I just had “booty shorts” stashed away in my drawer. I was terrified of showing my legs!
What Joyful Activity Can Help You Connect to the Miracle of Your Body’s Movement?
Taking those pole dance classes was the beginning of bringing joyful movement into my daily life.
If you want to love your body, connect your physical body to a sense of joy and gratitude daily.
How does moving your body bring you joy?
Joyful movement is a physical activity that makes you smile. It’s not activity that that “targets your glutes” or makes you feel guilty for skipping a day. It’s a way to enjoy the miracle of your body’s movement every day. For me, it’s taking a walk on the beach, dancing to hip hop, playing with hula hoops, flowing to yoga and surfing.
Not sure how to explore joyful movement? Grab your journal!
List out some ways you find joy while moving. Maybe it’s taking a walk with your partner, biking with your kids or gardening. Think about what activities you are doing, who you are with and where you are when these activities take place.
Consider these questions:
Is there a way to add more fun movement to your day and/or spend more time in the places that bring you joy?
What hobbies did you have as a child (did you tap dance or twirl a baton or roller skate)?
Is there an activity that you like to watch and admire, but are discouraged to try for yourself?
What local classes, meet up groups or even YouTube videos could help you get started with an activity you will enjoy?
Does your current exercise program (if you have one) bring you joy? If not, how could you make movement kinder to your body and more joyful?
Once you have a starting point of potential new, joyful activities, it’s time to find some confidence to try them.
What blocks or fears come up in exploring a new form of movement?
Many times, our self-criticism keeps us from even starting a new activity. I often hear, “I’d like to try pole dancing, but after I lose 10lbs and am in better shape,” or “I want to try yoga, but I’ve never taken a class before.” This could be fear of failure, fear of success or lack of confidence talking. Give yourself the space to be a beginner, start as a novice and learn.
Maybe your fear is trying something alone. I really had to push myself to hike trails alone as I prepared for a trekking trip to Nepal. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown. I felt incredibly ackward when I showed up to my first-ever yoga class! We all have fears and we all grow by leaving our comfort zone, even if we just start slowly.
The inner self-critic expects you to fail. Self acceptance says you don’t have to be good when you begin an activity. The joyful place inside you just knows how to have fun, laugh and enjoy learning. It’s not about succeed or fail.
How can you invest some self care time in these activities?
To improve your self confidence, it takes dedication. It’s difficult to prioritize ourselves when the inner critic is telling us we don’t deserve it. Cultivating a habit of self love through self care plants the seeds for joyful movement and body acceptance. Give yourself time to grow.
How I Shut Up My Inner Self Critic
Exploring joyful movement without any expectation of the outcome is how I found peace with my body. The unitended consequence is that I’ve ended up performing pole dance, hoop and fire entertainment under the burlesque name “Gypsea BombChel.” I not only have booty shorts, I have mounds of cheeky shorts and bikinis that I wear on the beach, in public, under the bright sunlight.
Now I’m a dance and yoga instructor sharing what I love to do and a Certified Integrative Health and Well-Being Coach, inspiring body confidence.
What changed? For me, I started to have fun, expressing myself through movement, and that joy eventually took precedence over my own self-judgement. It took years to work on this, but it’s incredibly liberating to wear anything with confidence performing, even when I’m not admittedly feeling or looking my best.
Make joyful movement a daily practice and over time, you too will see results. This practice of self love means choosing to enjoy life on your terms, rather than being concerned with the thoughts and opinions of others.
Life is too short to be self-conscious about your body each minute of it
I changed my mindset and embraced my own joy within. My body is for ME to enjoy, who cares what anyone else thinks?
You can love the body you are in now. Right now — not 5lbs from now, not 6 months from now, not a detox diet from now or 8 glasses of water from now. You can change your mindset and start to make peace with your body. Begin with daily joyful movement to connect your body with a sense of joy and gratitude.
Ready to get started? Take my online Body Love course for a sacred self-care journey. Check out the first module of the course as a free preview and you will access my Wellness and Wanderlust podcast interview about body confidence.